The year that was, the year that is.

I woke (again) early this morning, at the sound of our baby daughter squirming in pain. Teething. Red rash and all. I wish I could sooth the world like I can sooth her. Most of the time. It is so gratifying to be so much to someone by the by. She is a blessed being. She was born last year, before all the madness began. She joined her flame to ours, she lights all our ways.

Then I read the urgent plea from a family friend in India asking for plasma for her mother on ventilator, sick with Covid. I shared and did what I thought best to help in some minute way,I wish them the best. I couldn't regain my sleep. This on a night that I had already not slept much. The mind wanders, it imagines, the worst and the best too.

What is life, if not for the people in it? Before he left, Tim gave me a bracing embrace. Knowing exactly what was needed. Oh how solid he is, he solves all and soothes all. I tell him he'd be my mother, if he weren't my husband. But aren't all bodies we hold dear, extremely fragile? At least in our minds. Treasuring them and not taking them for granted also makes everything fleeting. Do I live in constant fear of losing them? How can I not?  I feel like wrapping my arms around them all holding them tight. Hiding them under a comfortable, warm blanket on a cold night, and feeding them nourishing soup and bread. or anything else they wish for. Like I can with my little daughter, who fits so well in my arms. They are all big and able. I sometimes feel invincible in my worry for them. As if I can withstand anything, fight anything, but my loved ones might not be so strong. I am wrong of course, because they are all strong, all brave - and some of them are in India. This is what meditation was made for.

Here's a Sketch of a happy cow with attitude. Because why not.

Oh India. India that burns.Oh my India. I hope and pray constantly. I think if I hold a spoon this way than that, the likely-hood  of their safety increases. The games the mind plays. Despair prevails in that country, under men gone mad with ego and power. What has the world come to? 

The time I wrote my last blog post last year, December 19, who had an inkling of such a huge disaster that has played out in the world. Daily we see how increasingly suspicious and stupid people grow with it. Those who can't grasp how big this disaster is then resort to soothing themselves with make believes, conspiracies. The theorists have probably killed as many as the virus. 

I ask you, my readers, if you see some dumb idiot making unfounded claims on whichever platform, report it. That at least is your civic duty. Until 2019, I don't even remember seeing so much chatter on social media. So much hate, so much ignorance and anti scientific behavior. The worst were the flat earthers. Then suddenly, March 2020 and it all erupts and it's still going on. Being anti vax is a legitimate reason to not date someone and that is as it should be. 

These hard days have shown us how much misinformation can do. How many it can kill. How many it can corrupt. How extremely important education is. How equally important it is to not give air time to idiots. I have not minus thousand patience for anyone with such apathetic, cruel, selfish, greedy, closed mind. No wonder poor Greta gets angry. 

And , literally, I deserve no sympathy, I need none. There are many millions who do though. If there ever was a year to make donations, this is it. Here is a worthy cause, out of millions out there of course. https://www.unicef.org/immunization 

With a heavy heart, I sign off. Ever hopeful that I will be able to report gladder tidings the next time I find a minute to write for myself. 

Ah... and I could go on and on about the pleasures of writing. Of the words just slipping off the tips of my fingers. Not always but at times. 

Much good has come forward in these hard times too!  I now remember. We have learnt so much, so has science, we may soon have a cure for cancer, The glass ceiling has recently been broken by a female of color in the Oscars, females did well in it this year, which had me celebrating in a little way. They have found a 100% bio degradable plastic, we have just come out of our 3 day lock-down in Perth and seem to have no other cases, fingers crossed. Australia continues to stay sensible. The world is so beautiful, our baby being the most beautiful of it all. The garden grows.

Maybe, the world does have a chance after all. Do send out a prayer, that it may be so.

Celebrating the future, planted in the forever.

So, all I meant to do today was make a calendar for us, for the coming year, the coming decade, the coming adventure that is life.  I was looking for a particular picture of me and the now husband, then boyfriend. Instead, what I ended up doing was to go down memory lane, feel "oh gosh how young were we" realize that we are still the same and be inspired to write another rather personal, entry in this poor unattended blog.

By the by, I have been working away busily making my website, that I give time to when I can. But should do more of - here is the link http://homeheartandhappiness.com/  I have also started doing little bits around cooking and home made things. But that is content for somewhere else.

So, to come back to the personal. Did you know I am pregnant? You probably do if you are in touch with me, but if you one of those that secretly stalk, then maybe not. I just made it weird. Anyway, I am almost there, just a few more weeks to go. I feel very round, and very full, and rather blessed. People talk about the discomforts of being pregnant and how it is a tough job that just gets tougher as you go, and no looking down at that. For really, it is hard to be comfortable.However, and everything before that so called but, is irrelevant as they say, the magical sensation of feeling the baby inside is only understood when felt. It is a blessing. It is a miracle. And all the other adjectives that we allot to childbirth. It is like carrying love, in human form, inside of me. A combination of him and me. Who would have thought? What an amazing, enchanting idea? See, the thing is, you never really grasp the full meaning of this phenomenon until it happens to you. At least I didn't.

I had never been much of a cooer. Never clucked at other people's kids. Never had a particular need to hold babies that were not related to me. As my mom in law says, pregnancy was no where on my radar. I was busy making plans for the future. We indeed had plans to make babies, which were adorned in a slightly distant future. A future where we were pre - prepared and it was all very neat. We learnt that we should take the changes in guise of blessings as they come. Life plans are there to guide you, not to bind you. Me, the eternal planner, did struggle a little bit at the start, but I was always in love with the idea as well as being absolutely frightened and panicky. After all, I had been planning a life time trip to Africa with my lover boy this November, each day was meticulously planned and the guide was chosen. We were on first name terms, so to speak. Instead, in November I had a wondrous cub shower. I am learning daily about how much our body is capable of. There is something monumental about this everyday, seemingly usual happening. I tell myself, that when the time comes, my body and the baby will know what to do. I didn't know how to make a baby, my body did. Indeed, we were rather naive ;)

Pregnancy risks saw me pulled off of work and ordered to strict bed rest by the doctors at 20 weeks. I was in shock, again. The job being so new meant I wouldn't be eligible for any maternity benefits from them, or any leave.  This transition to feeling entirely useless and unproductive saw me lying in bed, crying in self pity for the first few weeks. I am not one to sit around lazing, without doing anything. Then, this again, proved to be a blessing too. There is much that one can do to feel useful. Which extends to packing husband's coffee flask for the next day too. No work is too small, as long as you are willing to do it.

I found there were ways to creatively use this spare time to build on some smaller ideas that were just waiting to germinate. I worked a bit more on the blog. Started transcribing. A lot of personal writing. Did photo-shoot managing, meaning I matched clients to talent and worked as a go between from home. I started looking at expanding my interest in fermented foods and healthy, homely cooking into a business opportunity. I was able to do this in a way that only really saw me about two hours in the class day on my feet, which again still was tiring. A lot of work on the computer but that is done in bed. Oh man, have I been pleasantly occupied and then some!! The psychological reward is great, and also is meeting so many nice people, while working on something I truly enjoy. I only took holidays from the cooking classes in December, giving myself one month to the due date just to be safe as Tim and mom both were getting a little worried, and I was getting exhausted.

So..... Wish us luck as we plunge headlong into this magical thing called parenthood.
We are excited.
We are in love.
We are nervous.
We are...which is a blessing. And may my little family and loved ones be always protected and safe. I wonder if all mothers have that chant in their brains, unconsciously repeating, as they go about their day? This whole being pregnant thing is making me understand my mother. It is making me appreciate her all anew, not that I didn't. I have a new respect for all mothers that are good. This is something that has to be felt to be understood.

When through me, the baby and the baby's father touch each other, my world is complete. Having the child inside of you is the closest you will ever be to any other human being. So all those who feel mortified when their mom's kiss them in public. Back off, she has every right! And you have none to deny her. Knowing that it is the offspring of the one who you love so completely, that you made it together and it is a combination of you two, is another revelation of monumental proportions. You are no longer just lovers, best friends and a married couple (plus a thousand other things) - also you are not parents too. I am just in constant awe of it all. Still half disbelieving that I am going to be a mom. Me, This girl. I feel like I am still little myself. I am so glad my mother is coming to help out.

I'll let you in on a secret, she told me that she also just feels like a little girl :) I guess all the best people do.

Talking about the puppy. The puppy loves the cub in the bump. She has been so attentive and careful around me since I got pregnant. She knew, and she is super protective. She also likes to put her head near the bump and listen to the baby. She will make the best sister dog person. She is so gentle and kind, we are lucky to have her too. And I am thankful that Tim has trained her so well. I learnt how. Absolutely essential for the happiness of the dog, eventually.

Anyhow, these are the pictures that prompted me to go on a journey inside for this blog.

This could quite possibly be our first photo together, how amazing.. We look young but still just the same.

A yoga day, when he hid in the tree and was going to jump and scare me (!) but, I came the other way and surprised him. hahaha

And some photos of me, looking back at my slender form. Which is currently not slender at all :D but is ripe and full with someone little.

Last month, the cub shower - because we all love the cub.

The first time mom met my mom in law. Of course there was cooking and much ado about food. Learning from each other. I love these two ladies. I mean, my mom in law remembers what week I am better than I do.

Us at my graduation. Because he was as much a part of it as anyone. After all, the only time I declined a date was when I was supremely busy with work on my last project. So he helped put it together.
Then, after the folio submission a few days later, took me out to dinner. A memorable dinner during which I almost slept in my soup. I was dead tired, hadn't slept for a week and I don't remember how he made me eat and took me home. Poor boy thought it would be a fun date. I mean, he did enjoy himself laughing.

Reminiscing the beautiful times, those everlasting days of magic, they have brought us here. Here is marvelous. Even though part of me is slightly chicken about the giving birth bit, I am mentally getting my grit on.  Even though I am greatly emotional and cry at the drop of a pin. I am sometimes overwhelmed, like I was last night when dinner was no where in sight and I was just too tired. So the solution was to start crying and get annoyed at husband. Who of course cooked and would have done should I have just said it plainly. That is after consoling me and saying sorry for whatever it was that was peeving me out.

Pregnancy is interesting. So are our brains. I am glad we remember the good times and choose to feel totally no affection for the fights and rough times - thus forgetting them in the grand scheme of life.
I am thankful for this fact of everyone that I love. Those who dwell on the good. I thank my stars everyday, and believe that gratitude is the most powerful thing.

So, the New Year starts tomorrow. A new field full of possibilities. Here is hoping it will be again, another magical, blessed year, a decade, and a lifetime of creativity, celebrations, passion, love, health and togetherness. Of good dreams becoming realities and lots of adventures. Hoping that we get to know a little person very well and that person, us. And that love abounds and so does luck.

I am still the same girl, with big dreams in my eyes and trying to do my best to make them a reality. Full of ideas and inspirations, sometimes too many crowd my brain but that is who I am. The reality is a dream come true. May it always stay so, protected, cherished and evermore. 🙏🙏

On life, as a wife.

Sometimes you wake up, and the sun is streaming through the window, and the wind is flapping the curtains around. The dog is snoring either on the bed with you or on the floor. The trees in the garden are swaying in the breeze, dappled green. It is a calm morning and you don't have to work, you have the lethargy of a well slept night on you. The world is slow and beautiful. Husband has just gone to work, but the bed is still warm and you think - why isn't he in bed with me. He belongs in the bed with me.

There are times when you realize, to be happy you don't need a lot. It is the people that matter. It is the love. Its the puppies and the plants. Its those happy, lazy days - not those days on which you made a lot of money, that matter the most.

This is not to say we shouldn't have aspirations. We must aspire to do more. To make this world a better place. So that we all could have these simple comforts of safety, full bellies and a healthcare system!

I believe I might not say anything new in this blog post, that hasn't been said before about love, about being married, about life in general. However, it will be in my words and if you appreciate my words, you might find it worth your while to stick around. I am not sure where I am going, but I promise you it will be delightful!

This much as above, was written a while back, and then I forgot all about this blog, as I started working on my new project - with huge dreams in my eyes. http://homeheartandhappiness.com/
Which is still very much on the forefront of my brain - however, life took another about turn, and I landed a new job. Which, while being pretty good, is highly demanding. Resulting in a drained me, daily. The weekends are oasis of comfort and love, however seem to go too far, and are far too short. By the time I have caught up with all the chores that build up during the week and we've had some pleasure outings or walks etc - these two days are gone. Leaving me feeling like I haven't been faithful to any of my creative projects.

However, this weekend, has been great. I seem to have made a headway. The delightful husband has been super helpful, as he always is, but I seem to have got my act together again. I am writing!! Would you believe! It is always such a delight. I forget each time.

The morning was a good start. I got up after a good tussle with the hubs and the pup and started my new venture - brewing drinks with water Kafir! I am excited to sample the first results :) then I tackled the big pile of ginger that we had bought last weekend, and canned the ginger paste, which should last us 6 months to a year. Then we had breakfast and I finished all the cleaning yesterday, while Tim tackled the kitchen. I also made a new bed cover for the puppy's new bed! A few pending projects have already been tackled this weekend. (I can not write until everything is neat and this continues as the habit regardless of my marital status.)

Then we went for a long walk, just as the sun broke through the thunder heads and the rain ceased for a while. I love our walks. I do tend to stop over to look at small flowers and some insects.

The day before yesterday, my dad sent me a photo of the first Trombididiidae , also called red velvet mite or rain bugs. It is a standing pact between us, we always report the first sightings to each other. This is my dad who as a rule, rarely ever uses his phone camera, or sends photos to anyone. Who usually doesn't know if his internet is on or not. Then you realize, there are so many ways of feeling loved.

Daddy took this one.

The parents have been busy. They went and visited the mountains and here I was, going to work and being super busy. Doesn't take any stretch of the imagination that I was feeling really home sick and needing a trip. What is the problem, you ask? Well.... my probation is 6 month long, and in this period, I do not get holidays. Which is sucky , to say the least. Earlier this year, we had been planning a big trip but nothing was booked when I actually got interviewed. So there it stays for now.

However, I found out that I can still imagine. I was sitting on a deck chair during my 15 minute break and enjoying a hot cup of hot chocolate. The sky was blue with barely any cloud and the day was actually warm and pleasant - for a winter day. I closed my eyes, and I transformed the courtyard at work into a tropical island resort. That the pool was near my feet and just beyond, was the warm sea, just waiting for me to dip my toes into it. The drink was made for me, and the Sun was all for me.
Because really, who is to dispute my own reality? For a few minutes, this was really refreshing. And it was this Friday. So maybe this spurt of creativity and productivity has something to do with my opening up my mind a bit more?

Here is the deck chair for your viewing benefit.

So this is all well and good. And soon enough, the first six months will be over and I will be able to maybe take a small trip with the husband. 

Right now, the dog is snoring rather loudly near me on the bed, and Tim is watching a game, I believe. He came to say hello a little while ago and brought the puppy in tow. We find we like to do our own things sometimes but we do like to check on each other after a while. 

"Being married is all it is cracked up to be and more and I would highly recommend it" Words of my aunt sometime near my wedding.

She is correct.

Oh our wedding. How amazing it was indeed. I feel like I fully floated through the day. I know for a fact that I didn't and my gown weighs quite a lot , but ah! They say do not fret, just enjoy your day. I do not believe I was inclined to do anything else. It was all very involved and it just flew. 

Time goes too fast when you are enjoying it and drags when you do not.However, when you are content, time has a more soothing pace, yet it doesn't bore. 

I have been saying that I am bored a little lately, that is because when I am not being creative, nothing can hold my interest for long. Frankly, TV and shows bore me after a while. Even if it is a book - unless it is a work of a master, then I am never bored. But when my brain is being rewarded by creative juices, nothing is boring. Or when I am traveling.

Being Tim's wife has its many rewards. Like being called a Pendergrast.  Having a husband who is very funny and caring and handsome to boot. He likes to plan things and build things for me and plant things for me. He is also a great fixer. He even fixes my moods at times. A very handy person he is. He is a master cuddler, of that there is no doubt. He is a great cook too. He likes to make himself learn, to be better, to help more, to learn Gujarati and so on and on. 

Being married is extremely beautiful, if it is done right and with the right intentions, most of the times. Sometimes we fight and then we wish we hadn't because we don't like to fight. I do believe we fight easily if there is need, because we do not feel the need to bottle it up usually. We are constantly learning and loving. 

He knows me so well, it is good. I sometimes say he is like my mom in how much I feel cared for, but he is definitely not my mom, and I do not have the same feelings for him ;) He remains the man that is best looking out of all and he is a very good kisser. He is mine but! :D

We had a little "Wedding party" here in November, which I planned to coincide with my parent's visit. This was mainly for our friends and family here in Australia who had missed out on the actual main event of our wedding. Here is a link to the speech on the Night.

The meaning of life, the reason for being speech. 

It is a bit teary, but I hope I did it justice.. Because it is all true and more. Just a little glimpse for my loved ones who were back home in India and around the world. I cried through the whole speech and what little make up was there was all washed away, but it was worth it. Poor hubs didn't have a speech (as we weren't doing anything formal) but he did a great job. After all, it is just about saying what you really feel and being loving. I know it's a bit shaky, I had to take another video from my phone as the original file was so big. 

Now it is raining again, but I like it. It is a blessing and we are blessed. May we always prosper and hopefully, we can do something to make this world a better place too. Stay protected, always!

The Wedding blog

So, life is supremely busy. Why, you may ask? Apart from the daily life business of life - if you are particularly slow and haven't noticed the heading (That cheek of me!) - WE ARE GETTING MARRIED!!!!! 👫💟💖💏💋

OH MY OH MY OH MY OH MY!

I got proposed to in such a charming way. 

We are plunging headlong in to a big (moderately so) fat (not so much) Indian wedding. 

This moderately endowed wedding is still 400+ strong and my father, dear father, is fretting that its not a high number of invitees. I said I wanted something around 50 strong, but hey, party!

My darling boyfriend, Fiance doesn't sound that endearing , is one brave, strong man. But more than that, he is a caring, Loving, and kind human with a beautiful soul. He is more worried about stuffing up during the ceremony here in India than the actual act. Australians are made of Stern stuff, stern stuff that uses a lot of slang, but sternly yet funnily amazing nonetheless. 

SO while we struggle with the tiny details that keep cropping up here there , and we finish them, with finesse and graceful design solutions , while I tinker and weigh the gold and silver, while my mom busily feeds me deliciousness and I struggle with keeping my Yoga regime in place  - I also await eagerly the arrival of my groom to India with is Family. 

How surreal this seems, yet how very natural. No effort has been spared as far as the preparations from my parents go, I have been blessed much with the people that I have, and everything else is just icing on the cake of life.. indeed, beneath all the gilts and glam of this wedding, the main thing is to celebrate the union of us. I am aware that being able to marry an Australian, being an Indian girl is a very huge deal in itself. Getting to celebrate it here with my family , in the amazing traditional way, with his family all jumping on board with such enthusiasm is another blessing. My friends from all over the world have also arrived with glee and dedication. To celebrate me marrying this amazing man who I already feel so firmly married to , in a maidenly way (!) - This is indeed , a girl's dreams coming true.

I am trying to finish this blog before the Mahendi starts, once it is on, there will not be any time at all for me to do much writing.

So just a blog of gratitude. To the universe. To the people that love me. To everyone that wish us well. To my parents, my brother,and my man - ( the most gentlemanly of them all, even in his Thongs and broad shorts) Thank you so much for your efforts, gentleness and generosity. To all his family and my friends too!

Now that I have successfully made this sound like an Oscars acceptance speech, back to the point.
We are getting married on the 12th of March 2018. Just near our first kiss anniversary (!) without that being planned. This was 12 am, just as the 14th ticked over. I had been to a birthday party and T picked me up, way back in 2015, I broke a shoe in the customary way, and was loath to walk barefoot - and seeing my indecision , he picked me up. Literally this time. Swept right off of my feet and walked the fair distance between the restaurant and the parked car with me in his arms. What is a young, beautiful and dreamy girl to do but to allow a kiss that night, later in a park as we observed the night. Waiting for the laden sky to give and the clouds to pour their hearts on us. As the first drops of that sultry night fell , he asked me if we should get home before we got wet. I got off of the thoughtfully brought picnic blanket with a regretful heart (it was very close to midnight and he had work and an hours drive before he could find his bed as he has just volunteered to come all the way just to drop me off to a 10 minute away location. Because dad had been worried that I'd come to grief coming back from the party and I was close to not going, which made me unhappy, and Tim - he being him, wouldn't have it that way). The rain held up again just as I got up, so I, gleefully went down again, "we can stay.." And he came down on top, so I got my first kiss.

So, we will marry. And hopefully, we shall kiss even more. Being addicted to all levels of kisses as we are. We will love, serenely, passionately, kindly and gently. Truthfully and successfully. Wildly and magically, deeper than the ocean and more eternal than the universe, in a healthy long age. Wish us this, if you would wish us anything.

Yours truly,

Miss Magicaldiva, soon to be Mrs. One very spoilt yet grateful girl woman.

What is sorrow

Sorrow

It is the inability to,
Put in words.
Words with which,
I could describe.
How much it hurts,
To be with but without you.

Sorrow happens when,
I dream of us.
With longing for us,
As we were.
It is a physical pain,
Debilitating, instantaneous, dangerous.
It's as if I'm bleeding,
But you ,the world, can't see it.

Helpless, as I am here,
The sun is shining.
The world is fine,
But I am clutching my heart.
Trying to relieve some pain.

I seem selfish,
Bent on getting my way,
I am just trying to stop hurting.
Stop the yearnings and longings,
But only you can, and I am not you.
While you may call me silly,
Ignore , say you don't care.

You only make me yearn more.
Now for your touch, your care, your respect.
If someone is hurting, you can't decide they're not.

Avian Aspirations

After being on an intense, hormone fueled rampage that brought out everything that bothered me to the obvious dissatisfied forefront, needing to be dealt with now, I boarded the flight to Malaysia with a heavy heart and a throbbing head. Utter exhaustion was mine even before the journey started. Well, true travelers rest while they travel.

Hormones only makes one utter things that otherwise keep lurking under the surface. I suppose this brain fever has one use, to bring about the conversations that if not had and dealt with would spread like poison inside, a cancer, becoming too powerful. I would always choose discomfort and pain in the moment of facing the truth rather than a slow demise of something wonderfully magical. It’s worth the efforts, it’s worth it all.

Leaving the arms of my lover and going across that band from where I cannot see his dear face, which was the hardest part. The knowledge of his exhaustion as well with the emotional onslaught we were/ are going through just makes my pride in him shine more. We will endure, and learn and keep loving better and giving more.

This is about impressions of airports, cities and people. The sky of Kuala Lumpur entered my sleep blurred vision like a teeming sack of fires. The lights kept going out after flickering for a while and I could only liken it to bonfires lit on farmlands. Definitely not what I had imagined that sky to look like. My fancy had taken me there long before with the impressive swooping glimpses of the lightest Petronas towers and a city that was a floor of diamonds. This was however, different. Not any less interesting, just different.

The only comment to be made of KL airport is that they need to make sure that their charging ports actually work,, that there are some sleeping lounges and that their female staff don’t merely push another female traveler aside , gently of course, but use words to display that intention.

I have to say that on this flight, somehow, I have been attracting attention. Suspicious one that is. Always get the interested / attracted one, but this is rather new. Maybe I looked too carefree, the “I don’t care anymore” attitude that I have been carrying around in my soul may seem a bit destructive. Even in India, three times people actually just stopped me to ask to see my passport, not sure if I look like a confused combination of nationalities as well. Had to open my bag for inspection as the security wondered why I had copious amounts of vegetables in my hand luggage too. But all fun and games, all in all, to relieve the tedium of a 24 hour + long journey dotted with airport stays. However, my aimless wanderings up and down the Chennai airport strip did make a few security guards ask me what was up, they directed me towards food, where to rest and one also gave me his phone to make a much needed phone call home when my roaming failed to activate. It still hasn’t, it won’t.

 My first glimpse of my country was different this time around, as the golden hazed , mystical sky let go of our wonder of an aviation machine ( I half expected to see some phoenixes or golden unicorns) as the sun rose high above the cloud line, and there was a moment where the plane hung, between the blanket of the clouds and the atmosphere below, the shards of pristine light filtering through, the sun seeming like it was almost level with me, or I was almost with the sun…and the land below unfolded.

I was sitting there wondering at how we have actually managed to fly. How absolutely amazing the realization is, when you pause to really think about it, and feel that sensation, let your little brain grasp the enormity of that fact. See if you don’t get goosebumps.

Sunrise

Temple near the Chennai airport

India.

Think we can’t overcome other things?

Saying a teary farewell to the Australian shore had been raw and emotional, even though I shall see it again soon. The blue coasting stretched under me as the city just rose and was left behind, before that I could trace the path of the rivers, find the roofs of my old university, that Jetty where I’ve walked hand in hand with my lover, and then, to my delighted surprise ,I saw the place where we first met, laid out on the ocean like a blooming flower , and then it wasn’t hard for me to follow the path of the coast to find the area where we always go to try and make the dog swim.

They are now my life, of this I am certain. 

As I was mentioning, the shore of my motherland, was as dramatic as you would expect such a great country to be. Laid out in a great patchwork pattern were one of the world’s most fertile plains, which feed more than a billion peoples. Each village distinctively traceable with their own patch of land, worked by its people diligently. Connected by pounded dirt roads that snaked around. Watching how the land lay by air is indeed a pleasure.  I could find the national highway that I have been driven on before to get to Chennai on a study trip as an architecture grad and saw how the dirt routes connected to it, a way I didn’t expect. The farmlands were bordered with coconut palms and little cars raced on the big six lane tarmac highway.

There were water bodies and giant homes, sheds and modernist apartment blocks. Lush green that is so rare on the Perth horizon. Indeed, in fertility, this land doesn’t disappoint. Anything that touches it comes to life.

There were some mines, I believe, with winding dirt roads going inside the bowels of the earth, and large craters and cliffs, where I could see the shades of the red and brown loam. Amazing geological formations that I wouldn’t have fully grasped the full configuration of on foot. Things of beauty and awe.

The city started slowly, and then become full all of a sudden. Little match box homes flanked on the sides with coconut palms, this was the real Chennai. Little roads that snaked in and out, making streets that were alive with activity early in the waking city. Homes were painted in flamboyant colours. I actually saw one house that was sun-ray yellow. That is the only colour that I could honestly describe it with. Sunshine. There were hues of blues and greens, ocher and pink. No Grey and white here.

I found the airport staff a lot more polite here than Malaysia. I didn’t think that possible but it is true.  They are actually much friendlier and nicer, even if they do not have supposed western refinement of manners of saying “thanks” a lot and yes, in India, people will cut queues and it is rather frustrating. The idea of letting others go first is actually faster has a lot of time to wait before it gets accepted.

How is it that the delayed announcements in airports never really sound sorry, even though they vehemently declare their regrets? (Applies to public transport too?)

Now I await the final leg of my journey, rather impatiently to be quite honest. Since the morning phone call that I made to my mother from a kindly security officer’s phone, there had been no other contact and I cannot wait to be in their arms. And to talk to my lover too who hopefully has been contacted by my mother.

Ooo

 I shall go and pace impatiently or read my regency romance a bit more, they’re about to make love. :P

My face was lit with a constant smile a whole half hour before the plane landed. I then forgot that I was actually on a domestic plane and was pleasantly surprised when I could just walk out of the airport without the excruciatingly painful wait of customs. I could see them from the glass. Since before the landing my heart had started its excited palpitations. Similar to the ones I had when my man came back from the long work trip, but those were just a bit harder.

Love reunions. The best things in this world.

The first impression that one gets here is, why is every tenth person on the road suicidal? From a drunk looking bicyclist coming opposite to the main highway traffic at night to the shooter riders thinking somehow that turning in on a road in front of an oncoming 4x4 is simply a brilliant idea.

Home, home. The place where I grew up. After my homes in Australia, the first sensation is that everything is much smaller. The second thing one notices is the dust. It’s on everything. There is classic combination of having too much stuff and not having enough space here. The thing I do usually is to De clutter and it seems like a everyone else is catching up. Just takes a day to get used to it again.

But the love I feel for every single room, every little seat, all the books and plant, and the comfortable nooks, yes, it stays, no matter how dusty.

Outside much seems to have changed. A little piece of green heaven has been destroyed, but another has been grown. The little public park has, after all these year, acquired a dust bin. Its top half broken. There is much to clean and arrange in the home and I don’t feel like moving.

“That’s how you deal with your faults, you make them your features, your strengths. Your specialties.” “You be proud of them and learn/own them” Just uttered by my brother and edited by me. That is true.

Last night was beautiful. It is beautiful to be with my folks. Cuddling with my brother is always good. We slept and he warmed my cold hands in his. He has lost weight but grown a bit taller. We shaved his little goat beard and mustache. The love doesn’t go away, it’s so mesmerizing. Brother is still my baby, as he came and lay on my lap. He may have turned 18. Still my baby. His complaint is my bum isn’t as big as it was because when he tries to kick he can feel the bone. You come back and it’s all there, waiting for you to pick it up where you left it. No awkwardness. It’s all yours. I know it’s not like that with everyone but I and mine, yes it is, and hopefully that stays. 

If anything, my lover has taught me more, he has taught me how to love better.  To conquer my faults and be my best version. He may not know this, but he is admired, someone I think brings the best out ( and the worst, sometimes).

That’s what good love is about. You learn to be better person because you want to be the best you can be for them. It makes us all better. 

Just as my brother went downstairs for me to get the phone for me without my having to ask, even though he was playing his game, as he knows I am in much pain today. (He has me sitting near him while we both work on our own things) We are used to being close. Doesn’t mean we can’t stay apart, but we do like to be together. That’s how I’ve learnt to love, caring and close. Learning that if we are 100% truthful, we all are reliant on each other to a certain degree. We do what the other needs us to.

This trip promises to be beautiful. There is a certain charm to all this. Even the ear splitting music (annoying!) coming from the next door neighbour’s function. Plus I get to say, ‘hey puppy!’ to all the stray dogs and miss my pups.

Love till next :) stay safe.